I've realized that unless some doors close, some won't open. This is the way of the universe. From death to life to death again, the cycle continues.
Back then in school, we were taught about catalysts, but not once was pain numbered amongst them. Oh well, maybe there are some things that school doesn't have the required qualification to teach you, but don't they say life is a school?????
This past week I lost a friendship so dear to me, it felt as though I was being sawed from the insides out, limb after limb. The pain feels very excruciating and at several moments I catch myself reminiscing on the good days we had and the what ifs.
- What if we had towed this line?
- Would I have felt this much pain if I had been a distant fellow?
- Is there a place to house the memories that are left behind??
With the pain sometimes come regrets of things not done, things left unspoken, things said in the heat of the moments. I know people deal differently with loss. Some eat excessively to cover the pain, others have anxiety attacks, others just feel numb and would retreat into isolation. I don't know which I am.
How certain songs seem to make more sense😂 even though I haven't been listening to any.
One thing I know is that I've been praying more of late. Praying for strength to move on, strength to not get swept in the almost overwhelming tide of gut wrenching pain that's been coming in waves. How do you air out the thoughts in your head when there's no one to whom you can air them ???
This humanity is a blessing and sometimes a burden. You can't pick when to feel and when not to.
But at the end, one must bury the past and move forward as nothing good comes from looking back when one is moving forward.
Sending love to anyone who's lost a part of themself, or is in a grey place at the moment. The days may seem dark now, but You will make it through.
Will we make it through it? I am not so sure about that. Like you say, we are different, and what we experience is personal. If it comes to school, a lot of garbage is taught, but never how to deal with all those things we have to deal with if it comes to surviving. How strange is that, and it makes one think that one school is finished, how come we stand with empty hands, have no clue how to pay the bills, save and surround us with people who can be the safety net during hard times. Psychology and feelings are not something to speak about; it's what we have to deal with if we end up at the doctor's office.
Regret, unspoken words, anger, and frustration, is life about moving forward without looking back and forgetting what was or never been said? If that's the case how can life be a school?
Isn't it strange how with an overpopulation in this world, we all deal with the same problem: a lack of a trustworthy person to turn to if you need it?
I wish you strength and the realisation that what if you didn't regret back then, there's no need to regret today.
A warm embrace.
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Thank you @wakeupkitty.pal for taking the time to read through my thoughts(sad smiles)
I'll hold onto strength and try not to think too much.
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