Just coffee and contemplation...

Here I sit with my morning coffee and a head filled with contemplations. I am so utterly sick of how the acknowledgement of emotion seems to have become almost “taboo” in today's world. That I get treated like a crazy person for actually “derailing” a little when a huge chunk of my reality just disintegrated in front of me… That I sit here and now feel like I need to find some kind of “socially acceptable topic” to blog about instead of just being able to write freely about the things I think or the emotions I feel because “goodness woman - get over it already”.

Nobody is forced to read what I write - I honestly don’t care if they do or don’t and nobody is obligated to offer me any kind of advice - I was never asking for any. I just want to be able to write. It really is as simple as that. In many ways, the lack of ears and eyes around here is what gives me the comfort and ease to express myself openly.

I have my cooking, my gardening, my art, my music and my pastimes, yes - I am not a fumbling, dismantling delinquent - but I am human and a very emotionally driven one too. Sometimes that requires just “sitting” with what you feel and allowing it to be. Being this way has plenty of advantages but it can also be messy at times, and I am okay with that. I am okay with being me.

Sometimes I do not want to “busy myself”, because denying what I feel will only come back to bite me in the arse later, so I am going to take my time in whichever ways I see fit… to process, to understand and to let go of “whatever”. I did not get through 44 years of my life and all the challenges it has presented by being a raving lunatic or a completely lost soul and through it all I have always managed to keep my heart on my sleeve - which is more than can be said for many… so quite frankly, I will pat myself on the damn back for that and yes, probably pour myself a glass of wine tonight to celebrate the fact that I probably could have waved a white flag a long time ago… but haven’t.

Ona more socially acceptable front - I have a blank canvas sitting on the table… and for whatever reason, I am thinking tulips.

Have a good Thursday!