Beneath The Surface...

_{Electric yellow chihlid}

Aquarium: The Forgotten Chapter

While I shared the story of our visit to the Lahore Safari Park a few months back, I remember skipping the aquarium bit, with a promise to return to it. And here I am, finally. Before the pictures disappear into the never-ending scroll of memories, here are a few glimpses from magical corner of the park.

_{Blacktip Reef Shark}

No, I’m not going to dive into the types of fish or species. Maybe just a word or two beneath each frame. The truth is, my thoughts have wandered far away from aquariums today...

They’ve gone somewhere else. Somewhere grim.

Suicide.

Even writing the word feels heavy. It’s not poetic. It’s not metaphorical. It’s just… dark.

Where does one even begin?
It’s not like the thought never crossed my mind.
It has. Funnily enough - over the silliest of things.

Like that one time in childhood...
When I lost all my books and notebooks. I had gone to my aunt's house in a far away city, for the vacation. And somehow lost my entire curriculum there.

I was devastated.
I truly believed I wouldn’t survive that pressure.
I thought, maybe IF I could just stop breathing, hold my breath long enough to die.
Die and disappear from consequences, expectations, disappointment.

Else, how would I ever complete all my work again?
How would my parents afford new books?

That weight felt unbearable in that moment. Of course, I couldn’t hold my breath beyond a few seconds.
And so — I LIVED.

_{coral reef: carpet anemone}

After the failed attempt, I told the whole horror story to my father.

My father?

He managed to get my books back —
parcelled from our aunt’s house through a flying coach (that’s what we used to call a certain bus service), back when parcel services didn’t even exist.

He photocopied all my work to restore my notebooks.

He made it look like magic.

And me?
How ridiculous I must’ve looked to myself, clutching that little heartbreak as if it were the end of the world. Now, I can laugh about the whole situation.

But maybe that’s how it starts, isn’t it?
Not with one huge blow, but with a pile-up of tiny suffocations.

This is why we must talk.
Why seeking support, talking to someone, anyone — is not just important, but necessary.

Because when you bottle it up, you start drowning silently.
Words, even broken ones, keep you afloat.
And sometimes, all you need is a different perspective, or someone to just listen without fixing you.

_{coral reef: Brain Coral}

But then...
There are people — yes, selfish souls — who twist even this into a drama.

You won't believe me, but it happens.
They weaponize vulnerability.
For them, attempting suicide is another way of gaining attention.

They aren’t battling demons - they’re avoiding accountability.

_{Horned sea star}

Timid, courage-less, always blaming others, even while pretending to be the victim in a story they wrote.

_{Lion fish}

Let me be clear:
I’m not denying depression exists.
It does. It’s real. It’s brutal.
And it's a medical condition.

But people have confused it.
They label every setback, every rejection, every argument as depression.
Over such petty issues, really?

What about your children?
Your family?
The mother who raised you, who stayed up nights just to keep you alive?

And as harsh as it sounds—
No one is responsible for your misery but you.

Yes, people hurt you. Betray you. Leave you broken.
But the power? That was always yours.
Why give it away???

In our country, people even die (voluntarily) from poverty.
From the sheer inability to provide for their families.
My heart aches for them.

And yet, we are all responsible.
Our silence. Our indifference.

But even then, I ask—did they try enough?
Did we help enough?

There are no easy answers. But there are choices.
And if nothing else, let your pain shape your resilience.
Let it build you, not bury you.

_{Angel fish}

So here's to aquariums and memories, to childhood fears and grown-up truths...
To speaking up, seeking help, and owning our power.
And above all, to choosing life — even when it feels heavy. Because it’s still yours to choose.